Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
