where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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