You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
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Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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