You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You dont lie about slip and slides
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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