We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
