Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
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She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
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If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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