A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
we're so committed to being not committed
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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