I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think my moral compass just broke
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
