im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
