i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
