i don't like sucking hair
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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