Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
