My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
