I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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