Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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