I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
