just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
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Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
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I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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