OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
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They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
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Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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