it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
