the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
