This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
