Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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