that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
