Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
