Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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