I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
