apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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