Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
