tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
