he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
