she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
