When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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