I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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