I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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