Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Are we still banned from the library?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
