The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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