and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Mom said you looked used
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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