I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
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he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
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I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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