Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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