Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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