I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
