Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
