Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
