I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
barbara walters just said penis...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
