I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
