Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
MIDGETS
????
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
