true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My vagina just recognized that song.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
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Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
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We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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