Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
