You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
