Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
