he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
