Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"

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(847): View more from Illinois

Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.

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(248): View more from Michigan

sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.

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(941): View more from Florida

Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself

(1-978): View more from Massachusetts

You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection

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(651): View more from Minnesota

My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.

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