Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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