She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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