Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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