Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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