we have pet lesbian snakes
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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