just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
