My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
