OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
