@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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