i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
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Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
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How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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